Monday, May 7, 2012

Mommy Politics....How Low Will They Go?

A couple of weeks ago I  went on a local Facebook group for moms (not to be named) and they were discussing controversial parenting decisions. One of them was circumcision, so I thought I’d read on and see how that went over. 
Oh my! I’ve never seen such judgement, and distasteful arguments in my life. There was swearing, name calling,  judgmental comments like “I question your competence and ability to make educated choices for your children”.....really? It was like a high school cat fight.
What is it about our choices as mothers that make us so heated? Why can’t we all respect each other’s decisions and agree to disagree? I’m all for a debate, or an expression of your opinion, but there is a point when people have to stop and question whether they’re just sharing their views, or just criticizing others to be right. 
While there are some choices that I feel strongly about as a mother, such as my daughter growing up a Christian, it does NOT make me determined in any way to force anyone else to see my perspective, or push it down their throats. As long as my choices are respected, I will show respect to those who disagree.
I think what these moms who engage in mommy politics are missing is the bigger picture: THERE IS NO RIGHT WAY TO PARENT. No matter how many studies are conducted, or how many people tell you you’re right, there will always be someone who sees their role differently, or has a different perspective about how a child should be raised.
Honestly, whether you cloth diaper or use disposables, rear face until your child is 15 or switch them at a year (okay, that’s the law, not really a parenting choice), circumcise or not, etc. etc. etc. there are many moms who will do it differently, and their children will be fine just the same. The child will not remember whether they were cloth diapered, or bottle fed, or any of those things. What they will know (we hope), is that regardless of the choices we made for them, we made every choice in their best interest, because we love them and want the best for them. We do the best we can. And pushing an opinion on someone else isn’t going to correct a wrong, it’s going to cause hurt, and resentment. Why? As moms, especially those that are new moms, we should be supporting each other’s choices. We know how hard being a mom is. We take heat from every side - in laws, husbands, seniors who always seem to have done it better 50 years ago, our own now we’re turning on each other? We’re a team. We should support and respect each other. It’s tough to be a mom, and we do what we we feel is right, and what we can manage.
I went for a walk with one of our members the other day, and told her how disturbed I was over these cat fighting moms, and she pointed out that it’s hard for moms to find support like we have as momstown members. This is one of the many reasons I love momstown. Regardless of your choices, even if not everyone agrees with it, you’ll be respected, both on our message boards and in person. We all know that half the time, we’re just trying to SURVIVE. Who has time or energy to attack others? We know it’s hard. And the momstown mamas ARE a team, a support system. When our moms are having a hard time, we make them meals, offer our help, and encourage them. When everything is great, we celebrate and congratulate them. No attacks, or hate, no resentment or loneliness. Just love and support. Love it! 
And now for a little friendly reminder to the moms I witnessed cutting each other down on Facebook: 

Your momstown Edmonton North mama,



  1. Well said Amanda. None of us has the right to judge the choices made by others (unless of course the action is illegal or clearly puts the child in the path of harm). You just don't have the whole picture of what a person is going through, and why he or she has made the choices they have. It would be far better if we could all support each other in an effort to do our best for every child.

  2. One day when there is peace on earth the mom fighting will stop! (wink)
    It is so great to have a community where we do respect our choices, even if they are not what someone else would do

  3. Totally agree! I'm so happy to be a part of an organization that supports moms instead of tearing them down :)